Healing the Layers of Lost Love
Most of us heal in layers, as time passes our tool kit grows, we evolve and heal, layer by layer. Occasionally these ripe, ready to heal layers surface, without any noticeable prompting from us or the world. We can wake from a deep dreamtime re-connection with someone we once loved or they can simply pop into the forefront of our mind and current thoughts. Know the feeling?
It seems at times, before our rational mind can put it to rest, we can feel as if we are falling in love again or perhaps feel the hurt from our separation all over again as if no time has passed. We begin to re-fuel the situation with our thoughts and intentions, or we might fan the flames with our anger in hopes to have a chance at having the last word. No matter if refueled by love or anger, the illusion of the perceived connection can be so strong; it pulls us into what feels like an alternative universe where our sense of discernment seems to be lacking.
Divine timing for growth
The chances that we are receiving a divine calling from the universe prompting us to look up our lost love on Facebook because we are being given a second chance to really make it work this time, or to finally have the last word… is well, not very likely.
A more likely scenario is that enough time has passed that we have grown and evolved to the point where we are ready to heal layers of our hearts in ways we were not able to before now.
“Come on, take another little piece of my heart, now baby…” ~Janis Joplin
From the Shamanic perspective, our wholeness can be compromised during times of unsupported stress, confusion, insecurity or from traumatic experiences. Our wholeness can be compromised when we lose our personal identity within the context of relationship, even when it is loving. Parts of our soul can splinter, shatter, be given away to another or even forgotten until we are ready and able to heal and we are strong enough to hold our own vital life essence and live as a whole being again.
Sometimes soul loss can produce symptoms of shock and extreme stress and other times the symptoms are much subtler. Soul loss can also produce vaguer symptoms, such as a feeling like something is just missing, a longing or even low-grade sadness that we just can’t shake. In the case of a separation from a love or a divorce, these vaguer symptoms often go unnoticed, especially when we have more pressing emotions such as anger or grief.
Flashing forward months, or even years later when we start to feel a tug on our heart from the direction of our lost love, it is important to engage our logic and discernment and to feel into the situation with neutrality and notice if the tugging is coming from our lost love or actually a part of our own soul that is ready to come home and heal.
A compassionate releasing
1. When we first feel the “tug” it can help to start by putting things into perspective. Think about your current life, and the things you are grateful for, the ways your life has evolved for the better since you parted with your ex.
2. In a meditation or while sitting in stillness, envision standing with this person in your current living room. See them aged appropriately, if you know they are married or have children, envision their partner and children there standing next to them as their current day allies. This helps to put any feelings that come up from seeing them into perspective and current time.
3. Ask yourself what is left unsaid between me and this person? Then share it out loud, both in your visualization and using your voice. Share it as if you are sharing it directly with them, with both of you in this place ready for healing and surrounded by your personal allies.
4. Explore within your own being what you may be holding onto that belongs to them. Perhaps a piece of their heart? An aspect of their personality you admired such as their courage or patience? When you find what you are holding, offer it back to them in your visualization. It can be helpful to speak out loud and share what you are returning, and why. You can simply place this at their feet, and they have the choice to accept it back or release it.
5. Next, calmly and lovingly ask if they are holding onto anything of yours. Ask them to offer it back to you. When you receive it back, explore it to make certain that it is yours and you would like to accept it back into your life. It can be healing to create a ceremony to welcome back the aspect of you that you have accepted back. You can breathe it back into your heart or even bake a sweet heart shaped cookie and write a word that symbolizes what you are accepting back into your life then enjoy eating this cookie slowly as you accept this aspect back into your being.
6. Thank them for all that you have learned in knowing them and for the ways you have grown.
7. Thank this person and anyone who is standing with them and release them with heartfelt gratitude by dissolving the image of them into stardust. If you still feel a connection with them after you let them go, you may need to create a ceremony to release more of their energy back to them.
Need a hand with your healing?
A mutual helper like a shamanic practitioner can be a tremendous help in your healing. Techniques such as untangling, soul retrieval and compassionately unwinding and releasing energetic cords can go a long way in your efforts to heal an move on.
Find out more about shamanic healing and what it can do for you here.
Joanna, author of Energetic Boundaries 101, is an energy-sensitive healer, writer and teacher who brings a refreshing, playful spin to the world of energy and energetic boundaries.
She offers collaborative, playful private sessions and workshops to healers, teachers and sensitive adults and children all over the country.