Transforming How We Relate to Blame
Blame can be our best ally, if we let it.
For many of us, our connection with Blame is ingrained so deeply in us, that sometimes we can find our self chest deep in a blame cycle before we even realize what has happened.
Sometimes, we feed our connection with Blame, when our mind simply spins over and over a situation, in our efforts to heal and regain our sense of control within the context of a situation or relationship dynamic that we felt as though we had little to no say or personal control.
Blame from the Shamanic Perspective
For a moment, let's pretend Blame is a conscious sentient being, an energetic ally who steps in when we need a hand. An ally who offers it's service to us whenever we need is help to assist us in our efforts to try and understand the acts of another that cause us pain, much like a Power Animal, Spirit Teacher, Angel or Nature Deva would do for us. This can shift our perceptive just enough, so we can see Blame in a new light. A light that shines onto what Blame offers us and sheds light on the choices we have to call upon it or not.
As an ally Blame offers us it's service to us, much like a door stop, holds open a door. Blame is a master at holding emotional and energetic doors to a situation open so we have time to hash our experience of the situation out over and over. By holding the door open it helps us by giving us a vast playground to relive and try to alter and heal our mixed feelings of any helplessness, loss of self control, or personal space from the interaction or situation we are struggling with or challenged by.
Blame is a master at helping us lock down situations, by creating a time capsule of sorts that contains the challenging situation and all of it's components so that we can revisit it. In it's own way, Blame is giving us a gift. The gift to relive a situation as many times as we need to, in order to find healing and peace.
To keep up stamina, however Blame needs to eat & it feeds on our anger and rage.
Just any food will not do for Blame, it feeds on our anger, jealousy, rage, it receives it's nourishment in our hurt and feelings of loss of control. And Blame knows it will find the most tasty bits inside of our deepest darkest closets within us and within our shadow.
We can view Blame's feeding frenzy on our charged emotions, as a positive thing.... meaning, we already know Blame is except at holding open doors. And when Blame is hungry it uses it's primary skills as a doorman and pries open our closet doors that hold our hurt, our wounds from the past and our unclaimed bits or our shadow. To see this as a positive thing, we can look at how after we work with Blame, and doors have been held open for us and our healing, when we are finally ready to release Blame, we have much more of our self available to us, to better understand and learn from the situation we are struggling with. Mind you, they are our most neglected, wounded and closeted, stinky bits of our self but they are still bits of our self, our spirit and soul that hold gifts, under their wounding, gift that we need to find completion and peace.
Compassion is Blames opposite
However, as "helpful" as Blame is in our healing, it's polar opposite, Compassion, can do the same job in less painful ways. Compassion, lovingly places a doorstop to our heart, rather than our closets and shadows. And once the door to our heart is open, Compassion carefully lifts any unclaimed aspects of our self and soul that it sees could be helpful in our healing and it places them gently in a cozy nest with our heart center. Where they can be nourished, tended to, reclaimed and healed.
Rather than creating a lock down time capsule where our challenging situation is frozen, as Blame does, Compassion creates flow and space for our curiosity and love of self and others to lend a hand in our healing. Compassion assist us in moving through our challenging situation like water moving through rocks in a riverbed, creating movement rather than stillness. Creating space for us to see others and their actions with compassion and understanding and opening up possibilities for us to see our self and those around us fresh, loving eyes.
Working with the survival spectrum as a map to compassion
In my book, "Energetic Boundaries 101", I outline and illustrate an array of energetic gymnastics that we do in an effort to feel safe and in control of our personal space when our energetic boundary is not in tip-top shape. These energetic gymnastics include merging, using energetic cords, shrinking our energy, over powering others, inflating our energy, entangling, grounding through others and creating energetic walls.
Once we get the hang of understanding how we use, rely on and respond to others who use the survival skill spectrum, we are able to use our understanding of these skills to transform our relationships. Including our conscious or unconscious relationships with Blame.
I am learning that we can use the survival skills as a template or map to uncover and heal the parts of our self that Blame is unleashing from our shadow. Creating room for us to consciously choose to call on Compassion as an ally rather than Blame.
Curious to learn more about this work?
Joanna is the author of Energetic Boundaries 101. She is a shamanic practitioner, animal communicator and mentor. She works, writes lives and tends to the important matters of spirit-energy with playful, transparency and honesty.
She works with clients all over the globe from her healing studio that is lovingly nestled between Mt Baker and the Salish sea, in Bellingham, WA.