How to stay present when your pet’s behavior pushes you out of your comfort zone
A heartfelt story about a window-peeping Rottweiler, emotional presence, and what your pets may be trying to communicate through challenging behavior.
In this post, I am sharing three tips to help you stay present instead of reacting with control tactics, so you can deepen the trust and connection between you and your animal friend.
Dear Intuitive One,
If your pets are anything like my animal friends, they are regularly giving you opportunities to practice staying present while pulling you a little out of your comfort zone.
Sometimes even literally pulling you into uncharted, embarrassing situations!
Like what my 85-pound Rottie does, when she pulls me right onto the lawns of my neighbors, so she can get as close as possible to their windows, before plopping down on the grass to stare into their house just to see what they are up to. (Picture an embarrassed, horrified middle-aged woman crouched on the grass, possibly crying, trying to intuitively sweet-talk her giant, voyeur-of-a-dog up, and off the neighbor’s lawn).
Her natural curiosity has turned our daily walks into Rottweiler Halloween, as she gleefully shuffles from one house to the next, asking for treats.
Lessons from My Rottweiler’s Window Peeping Adventures
But before we got to the point where it was a fun game for both of us, it took every muscle and bone in my body to keep me from dissociating and dying of embarrassment.
But thankfully, because of her efforts, we have made a ton of new friends this way. Almost everyone who sees Raspberry on their front lawn, peeking into their living room windows, comes out to ask to pet her, give her cookies, and chat. And despite my initial discomfort, I’m beyond grateful that this situation gives her the chance for her natural curiosity to be encouraged and she gets to explore the world on her terms.
Dog friends, Raspberry (left) and Whiskey (right), pictured here in one of our favorite forest walking spots, where we go on weekends so Raspberry can peek into hollowed out logs instead.
How to Stay Present During Stressful Moments with Your Pet
As inconvenient as it can be, I actually LOVE how our animal friends seem to have a way of giving us opportunities to grow out of our comfort zones, and challenge us to be more present, compassionate, and kinder humans.
But being more present in the face of our natural stress response to situations that break our routine, or require us to be a bit more flexible in the face of embarrassing public behavior, isn’t always the first thing we think to do :)
Take Raspberry’s window peeping habit. When this all started, my stressed-out brain could have tried to:
Overpower her or control her (85lb dog vs. woman? Doable but not comfortable for either of us. Plus, overpowering another living being just because I don’t want to look weird feels pretty yucky to me.)
Train this behavior out of her (I’m all for dogs who know how to behave when necessary, because no one needs their dog jumping on and knocking over grandma, but in this situation, I would be just using training as a way to control my friend, and that’s not the kind of friendship I want to create with her or anyone, for that matter.)
I also could have dismissed her curiosity and need to explore her environment as just an annoying behavior (But again, gross. Dismissing another’s needs, human or dog, feels yucky for everyone involved and breaks down trust and love. Had I done that, she would never have grown into the dog who would shuffle into my office to ask for hugs every hour, because she missed me)
Instead, I leaned in and learned how to be present with the uncomfortable
I learned how to better use my tools to stay in the moment where I could see the humor and joy in the experience, realizing she’s doing this because it serves a need for her, she is having fun, making friends, and making the neighborhood a better place for my dog-loving neighbors ( and no, she was not intentionally trying to embarrass me).
I learned to just plop down and sit on the grass with Raspberry for a little while, and remember that this Girl was just being curious and engaging with her world in ways that she hadn’t been allowed to for the first 10 years of her life.
I also learned how to meet her where she was and for who she was, so I was able to be in partnership with her, versus a power-over dynamic, so our bond is deeper, and she knows 100% that she could trust me 100% with her feelings and needs, no matter how embarrassing or uncomfortable I get.
How to Stay Present When Your Pet’s Behavior Feels Challenging
We always have a choice as to what we want our friendships with the animals in our lives to be like. It can be about control, dominance, and force, or it can look like genuine connection, understanding, with heaps of unconditional love that flows both ways.
Here are a few tips to help you lean into the mildly uncomfortable (or embarrassing situations) with a little more presence and grace
Remember your pet isn’t a human
They don’t have an agenda; they are not trying to trick you or manipulate you. Their behavior is one of the many ways they are trying to communicate their needs and feelings to you, kind of like how babies cry when they need something. Like babies, your pets are just trying to tell you they need something from you, even if it feels a little inconvenient or stretches you a little out of your comfort zone.
Look for the humor in the situation
Humor has a way of helping us get out of our heads and control the things around us, and instead anchors us in our hearts, allowing for more presence. You’ll feel better and so will your pets.
Don’t forget to breathe
As generic as this sounds, in my experience, when we can feel our breath, we are most likely doing okay. We are not in one or any combination of Flight, Fight, Freeze, Fawn, or Flop. And for mild stuff, like the story I shared about Raspberry peeking to our neighbors’ windows, just feeling the movement of my breath in my body as we stood on other people’s lawns, helped trick my brain into believing this situation did not warrant my amygdala to hijack the situation.
When your pets stretch you beyond your comfort zone, staying grounded can make all the difference.
To help you reconnect with your center when you’re feeling stressed, I’d love to share a guided meditation to help you reconnect with your intuitive center and feel safe in your body again.
Just subscribe to my newsletter below to access it and several others in my Guided Meditation Hub that will help you calm your nerves, listen with your heart, and tune in with your animal beloveds.
